if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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