We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
