He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
