Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
