found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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