I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
