great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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