everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
