piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
