I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
