dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
