Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
