The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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