We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
