but the lizard people decide everything anyway
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
