Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
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I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
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Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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