The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
