did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
