hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
