I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
