Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
