Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
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They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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