I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
foreskin is a definite game changer
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
