Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
