Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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