Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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