I CAN MOONWALK!
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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