Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
