my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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