in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize