All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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