cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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