girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.