I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
