i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We were destined to go to rehab together
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
