she woke up with a sticky ear
is wine microwaveable?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.