i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
