he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
