your thong is hanging out like whoa
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My bed smells like the plague
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
