you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
