I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
