does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
