when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
