I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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