so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
