College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
