I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
they're like a gay fantastic four
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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