you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
