I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
