Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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