Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
