I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
