She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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