my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Randomize
