I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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