then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
