hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
