thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
