Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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