never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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