You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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