Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm both gender and math confused
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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