After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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