so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
