Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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