My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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