it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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