he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Did I show you my penis last night?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
