I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
