My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
