I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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