I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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