Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
