you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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