If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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