I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
