just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
