god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
