he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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