spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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