i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
