he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
